Wednesday, 4 April 2012

dark romantic

In the spirit of finishing those experiments I mentioned last time, I've spent about 25 hours working on our lab's fluorescent microscope in the past week. Besides the obvious operating-the-microscope part, this also involves sitting in a specially cooled, 3x3 meter room, with walls painted black and no light bar that which the microscope itself throws at my sample on the stage, and a dim computer screen that I view the images on.  Spend enough time in the bat-cave that is the microscope room, and it's easy enough to go a little bat-nuts, especially in the moments (I've had many, many such moments) where stuff just doesn't want to work. That said, I love this microscope, lasers and all (in my science-warped head,  she's my baby), and this room can be as much a sanctuary as a mad-house.

I woke up this morning frustrated and exhausted- in the past 72 hours, just as I've decided to finally get round to basal testing, my blood sugar's gone bats on me. I've been chasing lows, I spike a little, I plummet back down low, I spike a lot, i level out, i plummet again... on and on it goes. add to that my CGM alarms that kept going off all night last night, convinced that I was dying, when this really was the one time I was level and in range.well, until i went low again as my alarm went off this morning...

suffice it to say I was in a dark mood when i got to the lab this morning. As I opened up the microscope room, surveying the quiet, the gloom, the little blinking lights on the monitors and boxes- there was a heavy, velvet peace in the air. As if the electronic darkness spoke to me, welcomed me into the sanctuary.
"hello, darkness, my old friend"
but a heavy darkness, not Art Garfunkel's, as melodic as his is. no, this darkness is deeper than that. And so today I share with you an old favourite, and the soundtrack to my refuge in the microscope room this morning.

The music, like an old friend, lifts my spirit a little, sparks some life in my gloom. My mood may still be dark, I may still be stuck in this dark bat-cave sanctuary for a while, my body may still be stuck on the glucocoaster. but i have hope and i seek patience. my sugars will level out. this work will finish.

It may still be dark where I am. So today, I'm calling myself a dark romantic. And I wait for the light.

[hat tip to the Awakening, by the way. An old favourite SA goth band, and owners of the music in the video and link]

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